


When I live my dream

by FlowerWishes



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Dreams, M/M, POV Sander Driesen, Soulmates, i don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerWishes/pseuds/FlowerWishes
Summary: When I live my dream, please be there to meet me.Or the one where Sander meets Robbe in his dreams.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 16
Kudos: 75





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all,
> 
> This is my first multi-chapter fic and I'm really excited about it so I hope you enjoy it!  
> 

Sander sat on a bench near of the Brabo fountain taking in the architecture of the creation, the curves, the edges, the grandeur. He was here to sketch it for an art project for university. The day was warm, the sun was shining down on him and he settled in to begin his task. He pulled out a sketch book and some pencils from his green bag and put pencil to paper, the first line appearing, then the second and so on.

Sander sat there for hours until the sun hid behind the approaching night and the sky changed from a bright blue to a medley of oranges and reds. He had been so lost in his art that he hadn’t even noticed the time ticking away. He decided it was time to pack up for the day and head home.

As he put his things back into his bag, an idea struck him. A whim really. He found a coin in his wallet and tossed it into the fountain. Legend supposedly had it that anyone who threw a coin into the fountain, would dream of their soulmate. Sander didn’t believe any of that but he thought it only right to leave something of himself behind to mark his day there.

* * *

Sander returned home from the market square and immediately went to his room. He placed his bag down, undressed and hopped into a shower. His muscles were tense from sitting all day on a hard bench so he let the hot water trickle down his back as he let his mind clear its thoughts.

When he returned to his room, he put on a black t-shirt and a pair of black shorts that he liked to sleep in. Once he was dressed, he ventured to the kitchen to find something to eat because he was famished, he had barely eaten anything all day, too focused on his art. He grabbed some two-minute noodles from the cupboard, boiled the kettle and waited for it to finish before pouring the water into the bowl of noodles. As he was doing so, his roommate entered the room.

“Hey, how was your excursion to the fountain today?” Senne asked.

“It was good, got a lot of work done and the weather was really nice. How was your day?”

“I met up with Zoё for coffee which was fun and did some studying which was decidedly less fun,” he said with a slight laugh.

“I see you’re eating healthy,” Senne said jokingly.

“Oh, you want to play that game. Where have all the biscuits disappeared to?” Sander said smirking.

“Touchѐ.”

Sander poured out the water, grabbed a fork from the drawer and proceeded to eat his meal in record time. He was really hungry.

After he was done, he told Senne that he was turning in for the night and went back to his room. It was around 22:00 at this point but he was exhausted. He lay his head on the pillow and immediately fell beneath the veil of sleep.

***

He found himself sitting at an easel in the middle one of the art studios at his university, a paintbrush in his hand. The room was bathed in warm sunlight streaming in through the windows. A comforting glow that wrapped around the room like a hug. Sander felt content in that moment, relaxed, calm.

On his easel was a canvas already having been shielded by a painting. Sander stared at the painting, intrigued by what it portrayed. It was a boy’s face, rather blurry so he couldn’t see many details, but he could pick up on the soft curls and his deep-brown eyes. It was captivating to Sander, and he got lost within it. He traced his hand over the blurred edges of his face, analysing what stood before him.

Suddenly, he felt a soft touch on his hand. He looked down to see another hand caressing his and slowly raised his head to see who the hand belonged to. All he caught was a glimpse of his majestic eyes before his alarm went off, pulling him out of his fantasy.

***

Sander didn’t get up immediately, instead he lay there staring at the ceiling, contemplating the dream he just had and the memory of it slowly faded away as most dreams do. However, the touch of the boy stayed fresh in his mind.

After about 10 minutes, he got up and got dressed for the day, black t-shirt, black jeans and Docs, his staple wardrobe. He journeyed to the kitchen to get his cup of coffee to wake him up and found that Senne had already left. He drank his coffee in silence, before his phone went off. He got a message from Noor to say that she was outside and waiting for him so they could walk to the bus station together to get to school. Noor was one of Sander’s closest friends. They had met the first day of university in art class and immediately clicked, it was like they had known each other their whole lives even though it had only been 6 months.

Sander placed his mug in the sink, grabbed his bag and leather jacket and exited the apartment. He saw Noor leaning against a lamp post and gave her a smile.

“Good morning,” she said tired but smiling.

“Morning,” Sander returned with a yawn, “Ready to go?”

“Yup.”

“What did you get up to yesterday?” Sander asked.

“Just hung out with Britt.”

“You guys still going strong hey.”

“We’ve been together for almost a year now,” Noor responded.

“I hope I can find someone to love as much as you guys love each other,” Sander almost whispered.

“You will, trust me,” Noor said, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving him a warm smile.

“Oh, I have to tell you about my dream last night,” Sander said excited.

He proceeded to describe every detail that still remained in his memory, the warm rays of the sun, the boy’s face on the canvas, his gentle touch and his eyes, his deep-brown eyes that Sander only saw for a split-second but they seemed to hold so much mystery behind them and Sander couldn’t help but hope he could see them again even though he knew they were only a figment of his imagination.

_Or were they..._


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two!
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Stay safe xx

Sander was in his ‘History of Art’ class, staring out the window. Well, he was there physically but menatlly, not so much. He was lost in his thoughts, lost in his dream, lost in those eyes that held so much intrigue. He hadn’t picked up his pen to take notes the entire lecture nor had he heard a single word the lecturer had said beyond “Good Morning.” 

Sander wasn’t sure why this particular dream grabbed onto him to this extent, why it wouldn’t release him, wouldn’t let it slip from his mind like so many dreams before it. What was so different about this dream? Why was it so important?

Sander was pulled from his thoughts by the ring of the bell. He placed his things into his bag, took his leather jacket off of the back of the chair and left the room. He stood in the hallway for a moment, people rushing by him on their way to their next class. He contemplated what to do with his time until his next class which was in two hours. He settled upon the idea of going to a nearby park to sit under his favorite tree, soak in the sun’s rays and maybe sketch a bit.

He reached his tree, its branches blocking out the perfect amount of light so that it was still warm but not overwhelmingly so. He placed his things on the grass and settled down, his back against the trunk of the tree. He sat there, eyes closed, filling his lungs with the fresh air. He took out his sketchbook and pencils and immediately knew what the subject of his drawing would be. He couldn’t get the image out of his mind and maybe, if he put it to paper, it would help him detach from the thought, the thought of those piercing eyes. Maybe after he drew them, he would finally be able to focus on something else.

He sat there for an hour and a half shaping and crafting his sketch getting lost within it. After he was satisfied with the outcome, he checked the time and realized he had to go. He begrudgingly packed up his things and headed back to school to attend his art class.

On his way home, Sander had stopped to pick up some groceries from the supermarket in order to stock up on some things and replenish the biscuit stash that Senne had demolished. He was definitely going to hide some of these in his room, it was the only logical way to ensure their safety from Senne.

He put the key into the lock and twisted, opening the door with one hand, the other carrying the bags of groceries. He made a quick beeline to his room to hide the biscuits before taking the bags to the kitchen to unpack them.

He was met by Zoё and Senne sitting at the kitchen table, drinking tea and laughing about something or other.

“Hey,” Zoё greeted him.

“Hey,” Sander returned, placing the bags on the counter.

“How was your day?” Senne asked getting up to help put the groceries away.

“It was okay, nothing much happened, yours?”

“Spent it with Zoё so it was great!” Senne said with a wide grin on his face.

“Your love is a little too much sometimes to others, you know that, right?” Sander said teasing.

“Yes, yes we do,” Zoё responded with a cheeky smile on her face.

A few moments of silence fell upon the kitchen as Sander and Senne put the groceries away.

“You went to sleep really early last night,” Senne noted.

“Yeah, I was exhausted,” Sander said before taking a pause, “I had this really weird dream though.”

“What was it about?” Zoё asked curious.

“The parts I remember the most is someone touching my hand, me looking up, our eyes meeting and that was that,” Sander said, summing up the most relevant parts of the dream. “But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about whoever that person was and about their eyes. They were so inviting and loving and I don’t know, this sounds stupid,” Sander trailed off.

“No,” Zoё said, “That actually sounds really interesting. You know, some people say that it’s possible to meet your soulmate in your dreams before you meet them in real life. I think it’s kind of romantic that you know who you’re searching for before you’ve even found them.”

“Yeah, I don’t believe in that stuff,” Sander responded, “I think that my brain just made up an image and is really proud of it and doesn’t want to let it go.”

Sander let out a sigh.

“I always dream about you,” Senne said to Zoё with a loving smile on his lips.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Sander said slightly rolling his eyes and spinning on his heels, “See you later, lovebirds.”

Sander headed to his room and maybe he was considering what Zoё said, But no, that was ridiculous, that was a fantasy and he didn’t believe in that nonsense. He took his phone out of his pocket and pressed shuffle on his Bowie playlist. He let his mind relax and absorb the music, absorb every note and every sound.

He lay there for some time before he took out some of the work he had to do for uni. He managed to get a little done before he gave up and returned to the now empty kitchen to satisfy his hunger. He made himself some microwave lasagne and sat down at the table to devour it. It didn’t take long considering how hungry he was, hungrier than he had originally thought. He took this time to check his messages. Only a message from Noor.

**Noor** : _Hey want to go for coffee tomorrow? My treat_

**Sander** : _How can I say no to that. I'll meet you at the usual place at 1?_

Sander put his phone back into his pocket and went back to his room to get ready for bed. He took a shower, brushed his teeth and crawled under the covers. His phone pinged.

**Noor** : _Sounds good, see you tomorrow_

Sander plugged his phone in and drifted off to sleep easily.

***

He felt a familiar light touch on his hand and raised his head, his eyes meeting those same eyes again. This time he could see the boy to whom they belonged. He was beyond beautiful, his face the embodiment of perfection to Sander.

“Hi,” the boy said.

Sander jolted slightly, the boy was talking to him, this was an unexpected turn of events.

“Um...hello,” Sander responded cautiously.

“I like your place, it’s warm and bright. Slightly lacking in the furniture department but that’s okay,” the boy said with a smile on his face.

“This isn’t my place,” Sander said standing up, “It’s an art studio at my university.”

“Ah, I see. I like it nonetheless.”

“Why are you here?” Sander asked, incredibly curious.

“I’m not sure, actually,” the boy shrugged, “I’m kinda just going with the flow here.”

“Ok, good. I’m not the only one confused here then,” Sander said, relaxing, a small smile appearing on his face as he adjusted to the odd situation.

They stood there in silence for a bit, Sander looking the boy up and down, taking in the person that stood before him. Taking in the bright, radiating smile on his face.

“I’m Sander by the way,” he proclaimed.

“Robbe,” he said reaching his hand out to shake Sander’s hand.

***

Before their hands could meet, Sander’s eyes flung open and he was dragged from his dream once more, Robbe’s smile still fresh in his mind.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bring you Chapter Three!
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this fic as much as I love writing it!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Stay safe xx

It was Saturday so Sander afforded himself another 30 minutes to lie in bed and let his thoughts run amok. He had a small smile on his face and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it had something to do with Robbe and his radiating smile that seemed to illuminate the room beyond what the sun's rays were capable of.

Sander eventually moved towards the kitchen to get his mandatory cup of coffee this morning to make him somewhat functional for the rest of the day. He drank his coffee in silence, his mind still not at rest with the idea of his dream. This was becoming really frustrating because his mind was focusing in on something, or rather someone, that was a figment of his imagination.

He checked his phone, no new messages. The time was 10:00 so he still had 3 hours before he had to meet Noor for coffee. He finished this cup of coffee, the first of many throughout the day, and went back to his room, got dressed and put his sketchbook and pencils into his green bag.

He took his keys from the table on which they sat, left the apartment and decided to take a leisurely stroll to the park because it was a nice day out and it wasn't too far of a walk from his place. He walked and thought. Thought about his conversation with Robbe, replaying over and over in his mind, every word they exchanged, every glance, every smile.

Once he arrived at the park, he situated himself under his tree and took out his supplies. He knew that he would never forget Robbe's face even if he never saw him again but he wanted to put it on paper, solidify his face in the real world rather than just in his mind. He began to sketch the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

Sander got lost within his drawing, as he usually did, the world around him a dull whisper as he focused on accurately capturing Robbe's likeness. With every movement of the pencil, the image became more and more clear, his dream became more and more tangible and Robbe felt more and more real.

He looked over his completed work, smiling at it, before writing Robbe's name across the bottom of it in big letters. He closed his sketchbook and checked the time. 12:30. So, he packed up his things and headed to the coffee shop a little early because he had nothing else to do in the meantime.

The place was quaint, small and cozy. An air of serenity seemed to engulf it, it had a calming effect on Sander. He picked a table next to the window and took out his phone to take a picture of the rather aesthetic sight that lay in front of him. He opened Instagram, placed a black and white filter on it and posted it with the caption:

**earthlingoddity** _Just look through your window, look who sits outside_

A Bowie lyric as the caption, his trademark. He thought about the lyric for a moment. Maybe he needed a window in his life, something to look through that would give him clarity and who would he see if he looked through that window. Okay, this was getting a bit deep, no need to over-analyse the situation.

Just as he finished his thought, he heard Noor calling his name.

"Hey, Sander," Noor greeted him.

"Hi," he said as he stood up to giver her a hug, "How's it going?"

"Good, good, just a bit tired. I had a lot of work to do for uni yesterday," Noor answered.

"I feel you, the work load is killing me and I haven't been able to focus on much of anything lately. Well, other than on my dreams."

The waiter arrived at their table to take their order before retreating to prepare them.

"So, is this the same dream that you told me about?" Noor questioned.

"It was kind of like a continuation to the first dream. I met the person who was there the first time so that was new," Sander explained.

"Ooooh, and what happened?"

"It was brief, we introduced ourselves basically. His name is Robbe."

"And, what else?" Noor encouraged.

Sander smiled shyly.

"Well, he has this smile that is so intoxicating and I can't get him out of my head, I haven't stopped thinking about him since I woke up this morning. This must sound so stupid, it's just a dream but it feels so real. I can't really explain it."

"I wonder if you'll dream about him again tonight?" Noor said inquisitively.

"you know, there's a part of me that just wants to let this fantasy go but there's a much larger part of me that can't wait to go to sleep tonight so that I can maybe see him again," Sander said with a wide grin across his face. "Do you want to see what he looks like, I sketched him."

"I would love to see this majestic being you speak so highly of," Noor said with a slight laugh.

Sander took out his sketchbook, opened to the drawing of Robbe's face and held it out for Noor to see.

"Not too shabby if I do say so myself, he is quite stunning."

Sander and Noor burst out laughing, drawing the attention of the other customers but they didn't care one bit.

The rest of their conversation amounted to talking about everything and nothing, as per usual with them, and they parted ways two hours later.

Sander took the long way home, allowing the cool breeze to ruffle through his hair and the fresh air to coat his lungs with its freshness. The sun was still shining down on him and he basked in its rays as he moved. During his journey, he stumbled upon the idea to take a nap this afternoon in hopes of dreaming about Robbe again, he was way too eager and couldn't wait for tonight. He made the decision to do just that.

Sander arrived home to find Senne sitting on the sofa, watching TV and eating the biscuits that Sander hadn't hidden away in his room.

"Hey," Sander said.

"What's up?"

"Nothing much, I'm pretty tired so I think I'm going to take a quick nap."

"Okay, see you later, enjoy your nap."

"Thanks."

Sander entered his room, changed into something more comfortable and got into bed, willing sleep to take him over.

He woke up an hour later, no dream having taken place. Sander was disappointed about that, more disappointed than he thought he would be but it was probably a stupid idea anyway, trying to force a dream. Maybe this particular set of dreams was over, maybe Robbe was gone.

It was now the late afternoon and Sander still had some work to do, the work that he had neglected yesterday. He sat down at his desk and forced himself to study for his upcoming test. He sat there for hours and hours before finally checking the time only to realize that it had only been 45 minutes. Sander let out a frustrated sigh and got up to put on his Bowie playlist, it was always a good form of distraction for him.

Eventually the sun left the sky allowing for night to fall and Sander went to sleep not expecting to dream about Robbe but hoping to do so nonetheless.

***

Sander found himself in the park, sitting under his tree, the branches blocking out the majority of the sunlight.

"Hi again," a voice called from next to him.

Sander twisted his head and came across Robbe sitting beside him, enjoying the scenery.

"Hi, I didn't think I'd see you again," Sander said.

"Me neither, I've been sitting here for awhile so I didn't think you were showing up. I must say that I was looking forward to seeing you, I'm glad this is becoming somewhat of a routine," Robbe admitted with a soft smile on his face.

"Me too," Sander said with a matching smile on his lips.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Robbe asked.

Sander took a moment to think.

"Um...Who's your favorite actor?" he questioned.

"Leonardo DiCaprio."

"Seriously," Sander said, jokingly.

"Yeah, have you seen Romeo and Juliet?" Robbe responded, "It's fucking beautiful."

Sander couldn't help but look at Robbe and admire how the sunlight hit his face in just the right way making him seem almost angelic.

"Actually, life is a bit like a movie sometimes," Sander said.

Robbe met Sander's gaze," How do you mean?"

"Well, you're in charge of directing it, deciding what life is and what it will become," Sander explained.

Robbe looked deep in thought, "No, I don't believe that."

"No?"

Robbe shook his head.

"Do you know about the theory of the multiverse?" Robbe asked.

"Like in Spider-Man?" Sander said, it was the only thing that popped into his mind so he went with it.

Robbe let out a little laugh.

"The theory is based on the idea that time is just a dimension and so aside from this universe, there are many other universes that exist. Whenever you make a choice, the universe splits."

"Like in The Flash?" Sander responded sticking with the pop culture references.

"Did you watch The Flash?" Robbe teased.

"A guilty pleasure from my youth," Sander said letting out a huff and with a smile on his face.

"You know that you can exist in every universe but it's slightly different each time," Robbe said excitedly, "Like everything is the same except the curtains in your room are a different color."

Sander thought about it, "Yellow curtains."

"For example," Robbe replied laughing again.

Silence fell upon them but it was a comfortable silence. It like they had known each other their entire lives. They stared into each other's eyes for a long while, Sander getting lost within the deep chocolate brown of Robbe's. They found themselves moving closer to each other until their shoulders met. They both looked down to notice their now touching shoulders before return their gazes to each other with smiles on their faces. Sander analyzed the softness and kindness of Robbe's eyes and the secrets to his soul that they held, it was mesmerizing. 

"I wish you were real," Sander finally said, almost whispering it as he looked at Robbe.

"I am real," Robbe assured him with a soft smile, "Trust me."

Robbe lifted his hand towards Sander's face.

***

Before Sander could feel Robbe's hand on his cheek, he was once again woken up at the most inopportune time. This was getting really annoying. He lay there for a couple minutes before noticing that he hadn't stopped smiling since he opened his eyes and he would probably have a smile plastered across his face for the rest of the day.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more, it's Chapter Four!
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Stay safe xx

Sunday passed in a blur and as Sander had predicted, the smile had remained on his face the entire day. He couldn't stop thinking about what Robbe had said, "I am real, trust me." Sander let himself believe that, that Robbe was real, at the very least, he was real to him. He was still convinced that this was a story created by his imagination but since he started dreaming about Robbe, he felt less lonely, he felt happier and his days were filled with more joy and excitement. He was always waiting for night to fall and sleep to bless him with another dream of Robbe.

He was beyond ready to go to sleep regardless of the fact that it was only, he checked the time, 21:21. Yeah, it was late enough, he decided and so he got into bed and allowed sleep to wash over him.

***

He was at a skate park that he had visited a few times in the past. It seemed like a rather odd choice as the backdrop for this dream but whatever, as long as Robbe was there. He waited for a bit which felt like an eternity before he saw someone skating towards him, Robbe.

"We're at one of my places this time," Robbe said with a warm smile on his face.

"I've been here a couple times before so I guess we share this one," Sander said with a grin on his lips.

"So, I've been thinking, I don't really know that much about you," Robbe said, "Tell me something about yourself."

"Okay, well, I'm studying at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts, I'm an artist. In fact, I even drew you. I hope that's not weird," Sander said.

"No, not at all, that's actually really touching that you would find me important enough to draw."

They sat down on a bench, their legs touching and stealing glances at one another.

"For some reason, I feel really close to you," Sander said, his eyes meeting Robbe's as they so often did, "It's hard to explain but I feel this strong connection with you even though we've barely spoken."

Robbe smiled at him, "You don't have to explain because I feel exactly the same way. It feels like we've known each other our entire lives."

Sander smiled back at Robbe, "Hey, so I told you something about myself, your turn."

"Um...I'm 16 so still in high school. I don't really have many hobbies other than skateboarding with my friends. I'm a pretty uninteresting person if I'm being honest," Robbe answered.

"Trust me, you are far from uninteresting," Sander said with a soft smile on his face.

Silence befell them but it was a comfortable silence, no awkwardness to be felt.

"Sometimes I feel like I'll never find someone, at least not someone who'll love me," Sander blurted out. He felt comfortable with Robbe and the moment seemed right to share this part of his thoughts.

"And why do you think that?" Robbe questioned.

"Maybe I'm just not worthy of love, maybe I'm just too broken to be loved," Sander said in an almost whisper, "Because, I'm bipolar."

Robbe took Sander's hands in his, "That does not make you broken in the slightest and that doesn't make you unworthy of love. I think that you will find someone who's perfect for you, someone who's going to love you through everything, love every piece of you, every flaw, every imperfection and everything that makes you you because I think you're pretty damn amazing."

Sander raised his head and met Robbe's gaze with his, a tear having escaped his eye. Robbe brushed the tear away with his thumb. They looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever.

"Maybe you've already met them," Robbe whispered.

Sander slowly leaned his head forward to get closer to Robbe's and Robbe did the same. Their lips were mere centimetres from the other's.

***

Sander's alarm sounded off, waking him from his dream yet again. Sander his new morning routine of laying in bed and combing over every detail of the previous night's dream. His connection with Robbe was growing stronger and stronger with every dream and it was scaring him. How can he feel so close to someone who was just a figment of his imagination? But, they had almost kissed. Sander kept repeating the phrase over and over in his mind, _we almost kissed_. Sander let a smile cross his lips.

He eventually found himself with his morning cup of coffee in his hand, sitting at the kitchen table.

He started to feel a darkness encroaching upon him and he knew what that meant, it was most likely the start of a depressive episode. The happiness that he had woken up experiencing was slipping through his fingers like sand through a sieve.

Sander managed to drag himself to his room, got ready for the day and headed to his morning class.

He sat through the class managing the slightest amount of concentration so as to pick up on a word here and there but the entire lecture went over his head. When the bell rang, he gathered his things and decided to head home, he couldn't face the rest of the day, he was starting to feel incredibly tired.

Immediately after he got home, he climbed into bed, buried himself under the covers.

The thoughts began their destructive campaign through his mind. The feelings of worthlessness washed over him. The thoughts that he would never be loved for the way he is, for the person he is, for the thing he is. He isn't even deserving of someone to do that.

His brain had created a character in Robbe just to tease him, just to torture him because he would never find someone like that in real life. This was all just his mind beating him up, teasing him only to deliver a painful punch to the gut. Make him feel comfortable before it inevitable rips it away from him. He will eventually stop dreaming about Robbe. That was the lesson here, he was so utterly pathetic that even a person that was created by his mind wouldn't stick around to love him. He was going to be alone for the rest of his life and that is what he deserves, that is all he deserves.

As the sky got darker and darker, Sander's eyes felt more and more heavy and he knew what he would do if he dreamed about Robbe again, he was done being played with, he knew what this was and what this wasn't. His eyes fell shut and he fell asleep.

***

He was back in the art studio at his university, the sun's rays once again radiating through the windows but Sander knew this was all a façade formulated by his mind.

"Robbe," he said.

"I'm here," Robbe responded softly, moving towards him to touch him.

Sander backed away from him.

"No, you have to stay the fuck away from me," Sander managed to choke out, "This isn't real, you aren't real, nothing that has happened between us has been real, it's all been my brain messing with me."

"What are you talking about," Robbe said concerned and moving closer to him.

Sander moved away from him again.

"This whole thing is a lie, all of the happiness that came with this was a lie, you are a lie," Sander said starting to feel his eyes fill with tears.

"This isn't a lie, I'm real, this is real, we are real," Robbe said desperately.

The light streaming through the windows dissipated and the room became darker and gloomier.

Sander's knees gave out beneath him and he fell to the floor, his hands pulling at his hair, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm begging you to let me go, stop torturing me with something that I will never have. Please, just leave me alone."

Robbe's face showed that he was close to tears, "Sander," he said in a soft, quiet voice.

"I never want to see you again."

"Sander, please," Robbe pleaded.

"Just go," Sander shouted, "Stop this game and leave me be."

"Ok," Robbe struggled to say, "If that's what you want. Just so you know, everything that we shared was real. All of the moments and all of the feelings were real. I'm real."

Sander kept his head facing the floor and he cried. He cried and cried.

***

His eyes fluttered open and he could feel the dried tears on his cheek. He hoped that he would never see Robbe again, hoped that it would be over, that the pain of false happiness would go away but he had the feeling that that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. 


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end of the story.  
> I truly hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading the entire thing, it really means a lot to me!
> 
> Stay safe xx

Sander stayed in his bed, wrapped in the covers, for the rest of the day. He knew that he had done the right thing by saying goodbye to Robbe and a part of him felt like he had overcome his mind and the tricks that it was trying to play on him but another part of him felt a sense of loss. He had lost someone who he had connected with on a deeper level than anyone before him. Sure, he was just a creation of his mind but the feelings he felt were genuine and that made it hurt so much worse.

He couldn't get the look on Robbe's face out of his mind. The look of shear sadness and disappointment, like something was being ripped away from him. Like he had lost something just as Sander had but it wasn't his choice unlike it was Sander's.

His phone alerted him of a message and he reluctantly checked it.

**Noor** : _Where are you?_

**Sander** : _At home in bed, not feeling well_

Noor responded almost immediately.

**Noor** : _I'm on my way and I'm coming to take care of you._

Sander sighed, his sigh carrying a double meaning because he was glad that Noor cared so much about him but he just wanted to be alone. However, he knew that there was no stopping Noor when she had her mind set on something so he didn't really have a choice in the matter.

About 15 minutes later, the door bell rang. Sander dragged himself out of bed and buzzed her up. He opened the door for her and returned to his room with Noor tagging along behind him.

She sat at his desk and he got back into bed. On thing he was very grateful for was that Noor never looked at him with a sense of pity, she never treated him as less than when he was having episodes as so many people tended to do. She understood him and that was rare.

They sat there is silence for some time, Sander burying his head in his pillow, before Noor spoke up.

"So, have you dream't about Robbe again?" Noor asked, striking up a conversation.

Sander felt a twinge of pain in his chest.

"Um, yes. A couple more time times but I think I managed to end it last night," Sander said with a hint of sadness on his voice.

"Why? What happened?"

"I realized that it was just my brain trying to torture me with an idea of something, or someone, that I will never have and so before it could take Robbe away from me, I did it first," Sander spit out.

"Wow, okay, that's a lot," Noor said, taken aback.

Silence fell upon them again.

"I'm just curious but when did these dreams start?" Noor asked.

Sander thought about it for a few seconds. "They started the night after I went to the Brabo fountain to do some work for uni."

"Wait, did you toss a coin into the fountain?"

"Yup."

"You know the legend surrounding that, right?" Noor said, almost excited.

"Yeah. If you throw a coin into the fountain, you will dream about your soulmate but that's just bullshit so..."

"Actually, the legend says that you will meet in dreams that you share. Basically, it's not just a dream about them but they are actually there in your dream, as you are in theirs. Everything you say to them in your dream is what they hear in theirs and vice versa."

"Wow, fascinating," Sander said, sarcastically.

"What I'm saying is, if the legend is true, which I'm not saying it is, but if it is true then Robbe is real and walking around somewhere probably wondering if you are real as well."

Sander pondered over this for a while. He wanted it to be true but it all seemed way too far fetched and ridiculous. He never believed in such things before, so why would he start now.

"That's a great story but I'm not buying it. Robbe is just a figment of my imagination, something created by my mind to hurt me and nothing more," Sander said exhausted.

"Just think about it," Noor said, "There are many people who swear that the legend is true and that it happened to them."

"Whatever," Sander said, "Look, I'm really tired so you're welcome to stay but I need to get some sleep."

"I think I'm actually going to catch my afternoon class so I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah, talk later."

Sander let Noor out of the apartment and went straight to sleep.

He spent the rest of the day doing nothing but lying in bed because that's the only thing he can muster the energy for when he's in his depressive states. he's completely drained both mentally and physically and you can't fight it so you submit. When night came, he fell asleep as soon as his eyes shut.

***

Sander was back in the art studio but his time, he was alone. No more endless amounts of sunlight streamed through the windows, only singular rays here and there rendering the room dark. There were no sounds to be heard, a deathly silence filled the air. Sander decided against sitting at the easel and instead chose the floor, it seemed fitting. He realized that he was going to have to wait the dream out and hope that Robbe never showed up.

And he didn't.

***

Sander awoke both satisfied that he had managed to fix his problem and put an end to the games that his brain was playing with him but he also missed Robbe and his smile. His thoughts were muddled and it was incredibly frustrating. He still wasn't feeling well and so he resumed yesterday's activities of staying in bed.

This went on for days and after about a week, he was starting to feel better. He thought that maybe his episode was reaching its conclusion and he was more than ready for that to happen. He got out of bed and sent Noor a message saying that he was coming to class today so they could go to uni together this morning. She replied with a thumbs up.

He prepared his morning cup of coffee and proceeded with his daily routine until he found himself outside and greeting Noor.

"Hey," he said.

"You look like you're feeling a lot better, I'm really happy for you," she said with a smile on her face.

"I am."

They walked in silence to the bus station before Noor spoke.

"Did you think about what I said about the fountain?"

"Not really, I didn't have the energy. Besides, what does it matter? How am I supposed to find him. He's not in my dreams anymore so I have no way to contact him."

Noor thought about that.

"Well, do you know any places that he hangs out?"

"Noor, really?" Sander said questioningly.

"Humor me, please," Noor responded.

"Okay," Sander paused in thought, "He said that he hangs out at this skate park that I've been to a couple times before."

"Perfect, now you know where to find him," Noor said smiling.

"I'm not going to a skate park to wait for someone who doesn't exist to show up."

"Give it a week. Go there everyday for a week ad if he doesn't show up within that time then I'll never talk about it again and you were right. What do you have to lose?"

"If I go, it would mean getting my hopes up only to have them inevitably crushed and I don't know if I can handle that," Sander said in a low voice.

"I get that," Noor contemplated, "But please think about it, look at how much you could gain."

Sander took a moment before sighing in defeat.

"Fine, I'll go there this afternoon and for the next week and wait for an imaginary person to show up."

"Thank you," Noor said with a slight laugh.

After Sander's final class had wrapped up, he grabbed his things and took the bus to the nearest station to the skate park. He couldn't believe he was doing this. How did Noor convince him? This was so stupid.

Sander found a bench to sit on, put in his earphone and pressed shuffle on his Bowie playlist. He decided that he would wait until sunset each day and then he would leave. He spent the rest of the day scanning the park for the boy that he had dream't about, the boy who had captivated him and his thoughts and the boy who he was pretty sure wasn't real.

As the sun began to hide itself beneath the horizon, Sander took his things and left. He was disappointed but not really surprised at the outcome.

As he lay in bed that night, he couldn't help but smile a little at the possibility of meeting Robbe no matter how slim it was.

Sander continued his daily excursions to the skate park for an entire week and today was the last day. After today he was done and he could hopefully wave goodbye to this entire façade and these past few weeks and return to his normal life again.

As usual, he waited until the sun began to disappear behind a medley of colors. Beautiful oranges, pinks, purples and reds. He packed his thinks away and started to stand up to leave.

He suddenly felt a soft touch on his hand. He looked up to meet the now very familiar eyes. Sander was shell-shocked. He blinked a couple of times and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to make the illusion go away but it remained.

"I noticed you sitting here and needed to confirm my suspicions that it was really you," Robbe said with a warm smile on his face.

"It's you," was all Sander could muster and a wide grin encapsulated his face.

"I told you I was real and I always knew you were real," Robbe admitted, "Something in my heart told me that you were out there and that someday I would find you and we would meet again. Imagine my shock when I saw you sitting here."

Robbe let out a laugh that was like music to Sander's ears.

"It's really you," Sander continued, still in shock.

"Yeah, it's me."

Sander finally stood up and met Robbe's hand with his own to hold it. He looked down into Robbe's eyes and they stayed like that for a while, exploring the windows to each other's souls.

"We should really get going," Robbe said eventually, "It's getting dark."

Robbe turned to walk away and signaled for Sander to follow him.

Before Robbe could get too far away, Sander pulled him back into him so their chests were touching. They smiled at each other for a few moments before they both leaned in and their lips met in the middle.

The kiss was unlike anything Sander had ever experienced before. It was like fire coursing through Sander's veins spreading warmth throughout his body. It was like the world around them ceased to exist and they were in their own protective bubble with only them and their feelings for one another. The kiss was magic, it was like their lips were made for the other's to fit together with seamlessly. As their lips moved in sync, Sander couldn't help but smile against Robbe's lips and he felt Robbe do the same against his.

Once they pulled apart, they touched their foreheads together to rest on each other's.

"I'm so happy I found you," Sander whispered. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Stay safe xx
> 
> tumblr: flowerwishes1


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